I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
