Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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