ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
