Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
