The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
