Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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