We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
