I got chris browned last night
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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