I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
