Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
