i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
