I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
