My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
foreskin is a definite game changer
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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