ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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