I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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