you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You were trust falling into bushes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
