wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize