Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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