Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
