i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
