Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
