she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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