2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
