Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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