Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
