Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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