Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
