bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
