i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
