Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
