I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
