How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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