I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
