he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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