Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
