what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
