Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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