and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Two words: nipple clamps
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