Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
