Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
