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I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
