there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
