I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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