that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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