After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Randomize
