so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
