I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
