Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
