why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
