the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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