1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I got her a Nickelback box set.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
