I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
